A Ritual for Comfort from the Loss of a Loved One


  • 2 candles (1 in your favorite color, 1 in the person's)
  • Red candle
  • Pink candle
  • Blue candle
  • White candle
  • Purple candle
  • Stuff of the lost one
  • Black candle

Cast a circle in the usual way, the way that you are most familiar.

Light a candle of your favorite color to represent you. Next to it, place a candle of a color that reminds you of your friend, but, do not light it.

Place a circle of candles around these two, on your altar, consisting of a red candle, saying as you do:
"I light this candle to represent the circle of life and death."

The next candle should be pink. Say:
"This candle represents love. I ask with candle for the gift of love."

The next candle should be blue. Light it, saying:
"This candle represents peace. May I have peace in my heart."

The next candle should be white. Light it as you say:
"This candle represents protection, so that I may get through these hard times."

Light a purple candle and place it in the last spot:
"This candle represents the power of the spirit."

Outside the inner circle of candles, place memorabilia of the lost one, or the one you are about to loose to sickness or illness. This can be pictures, or any item that reminds you of him/her. Hold the unlit candle representing the loved one and spend some quiet time re-living the memories, and cherishing the fond memories you have of the loved one. When finished, light the candle and put it back in the holder.

Visualize your loved one standing next to you. Watch him as he leaves your side and travels off to another place. If the loved one has Christian values, visualize him in heaven, if they believe in reincarnation, visualize them being born as a baby again. If unsure of the other's beliefs and you can't ask them, just visualize them leaving. As they leave your side, they should pass through a big white door.

After the visualization has faded, hold a black candle. Pour all your negative emotions into this candle. You are allowed to cry. Breathe all you have into the candle and when finished, light it and place it somewhere outside the colorful circle of candles.

Address the lord and lady. Ask them for guidance. Ask the lady to hold you as a mother. Rock back and forth with her once she is holding you in her embrace. Feel the mother's warmth.

Once you have reached a feeling of release, extinguish all candles, unless you are only planning on doing this ritual once, then let the candles burn out completely. Take the black candle outside immediately and either bury it beside a tree, or throw it into a large body of water. Ask the spirit of (earth/water) to purify it, and to give you strength to deal with your situation.

Close the circle and perform any other ritualistic habits that may a part of your tradition, or that may help you feel better.

Note: This ritual will cause strong emotions, that may seem at first to be overwhelming. However, you can get through it, with just a little persistence.